Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I believe in your delicious
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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