walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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