girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
