I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
