what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
