just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
