i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
