I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
