Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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