Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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