Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
