My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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