Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
