drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
