I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
