I wish life had little blips of pornography
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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