Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
