carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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