my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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