Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
