mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i came on her dog
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
