She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
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