3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
