dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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