see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
