I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
