I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
