So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
