Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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