i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
FUCK WHALES
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