That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
