he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
