So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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