i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
