Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
