is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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