i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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