I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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