Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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