dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
