all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my being single is dangerous.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
