he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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