I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
my sisters under your porch take her home
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Randomize
