Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
