I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
