i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
