I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
