My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
