I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
