Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize